What Is Normal Anyway?
by EmBeHa
Summary: Set during the aftermath of the Battle Of Hogwarts, a snap shot of thoughts and rationale. Where to go from here? What will the future hold? I am testing the waters with this, if I feel it's right I may continue the story, lemme know what you think :D (Potentially a femslash Bellatrix/Hermione)
**What Is Normal Anyway?**

What does one do when the world that is so familiar and normal, suddenly changes? Twists into a hardly recognisable lifelong situation that will forever be different. Normality becomes a thing of the past, forever shaken and warped into something new. Adaptability? Yes, that's it. Be adaptable. Have this quality that you've claimed to have so many times before. This time though, truly have it and place the meaning of this word at the centre of your new universe. Be willing to accept change because this is what makes the world go round. What shapes us into better more educated, evolved accepting humans. Right? It's hard to think this new world would become a kind of normal.

Acceptance? Yes, another good word. Be at peace with this new life, after all, you can accept it or let it swallow you whole in one giant gulp. Sink or swim. There is no choice in the situation thrust upon you but there is certainly a choice in your reaction, both physically and mentally. Stay strong. Be that person you always claimed to be, now is your chance to prove it. Not only to others but more importantly to yourself too. Stay true to yourself and everything you believe in.

My kind of adaptability and acceptance are not so secretly described by some as 'unique' – to put it kindly. But they're there, those qualities are definitely there. I suppose it always comes down to perspective. For me, my flexibility to admit the Dark Lord had been overpowered all those years ago remains exemplary. But I knew back then patience was another trait I had to hold dear, and that I did for I knew his reign of power would come again. My time in Azkaban shows my strength of character, most can only imagine what determination and resilience that took. It's proven that most crumble under the conditions. Not me though, I became more educated and experienced even in the darkest of hours. It was all experience that shapes me to be the best I can. I pride myself in this and somehow found peace and acceptance of my situation. Overall, one could argue a more evolved person, a better human being.

Surely though, now there are other factors that need to be taken into consideration. It's not like before, self doubt and criticism come hurling forwards to the front of my mind. I tell myself this is only normal, although I can't seem to describe that word any more. There are a lot of 'If only's' and 'What ifs' floating around in my mind this time. If only I could have persuaded the Dark Lord that perhaps an assassination of the boy would have been more fruitful. I would willingly have put myself forward for this honourable task, unshaken and brave. What if then, when all hope had been lost for his sympathisers, when they were at their weakest, we could have then implored mind tactics (with a hint of magic) to strengthen this world we live in. All pure bloods living harmoniously together again without the stench of Muggle borns staining the wizarding world's existence.

But no, as a faithful servant I knew my place in this campaign. I listened and understood my Lord's vision and completely, unreservedly committed to it. Nobody can doubt my loyalty, for honestly, they were my vision's too. I needed that person to bring out the best in me, sometimes people need that. I accept that. Now though, my world has shattered and I need to be realistic for life without my Lord is as real as this conversation in my mind. It cuts me so deep sometimes I think my sorrow and sadness will engulf me and send me to parts of my mind that are shrouded in darkness and emptiness. It's enough for me to truly live up to the labels imposed on me by the rest of society. I will not let that happen and become the mentally unstable witch everyone believes me to be. I have reason, feeling and understanding that this is my reality now, surely not qualities of someone that has lost their fragile mind. It had taken a while to realise and the idea had been played around in my mind so many times, but even I cannot change the past to this extent - horcruxes are funny things not to be messed with. Modesty is a fine trait no one can argue with.

Yet I can't help but have these moments of doubt and I have to remind myself to inhale the oxygen into my lungs and continue to push the uncertainty away when I'm dwelling on the darkness too much. I did it in Azkaban and I can do it again. I can evolve my world without the guidance of my great Lord, I know I can. I can continue the dream in his honour and glorious memory, in a way become more dedicated to the task then previously – if that was at all possible. I'll make it possible, I have my ways. Determination and will, create strength and power, this cannot be forgotten, of that I'm sure.

It is important to understand the context of time and patience – a difficult task. Create an environment that is safe and fit for purpose so that this can be practiced in every single passing day. It's admirable, I think, to do this. Bide your time, become stronger and content with your situation for this cannot be altered. It's amazing how much you learn when you're left to your own thoughts and philosophies. With every passing day my clarity is as pure as the blood in my veins and I'm sure now of my new purpose in this mixed up world. It shall be me, Bellatrix Lestrange, who should rid the world of it's vermin and disease. To create a world that my kind can only up to now dream of, after the fall of the great Dark Lord.

We call ourselves Death Eater's as we want to consume all the rotting putridness of the earth. I shall be starting with muggle born witches and wizards as there is nothing more vile or repulsive in this world. Filthy mudbloods, even the thought makes me sick. This shall be the task and focus in my new existence, dwelling on the past isn't what I had in mind, but some things are not supposed to be given up on. This different normality shall draw parallels to the previous one, only this time I shall be successful and become even more accomplished. I'll make the people dearest to me so proud, you'll see. My hopes and aspirations shall not be splintered for I am determined and strong, now so more than ever. The blue prints for my purpose are pure and certain, the precision of my thoughts prove I am focussed. I am determined to fulfil this honour and duty.

Adaptability. Acceptance. Determination. Resilience. Self doubt. Criticism. Understanding. Focus. Pride and Success.

Perspective is a funny thing, don't you think?


End file.
